This adoption has really made me have to find God more. This time around, I’m not growing a baby in my belly, one he has given me. No, instead I’m searching the world for her. How do you choose a child that needs a home, when there are thousands and thousands to choose from? Where do you start?
I have prayed many days and nights. Asking God to show me where he is in this. Asking him if this is “my will” or his? And praying that he would give me direction on Where to adopt. It’s such a hard decision to make. I don’t want to make the wrong choice. It is scary.
If you don’t believe in God, or a higher being, universe, etc., then you may consider this coincidence. However, for me, I feel it’s a God thing. Too many things have happened for it to not be. …
Where have I seen god in it?
We were in love with a child in Poland. She started us on a journey that wasn’t supposed to start until June. We thought we found our forever daughter. Unfortunately, she wasn’t meant to be ours. But, because of her, we were in contact with a homestudy agency that just happens to be coming to Tokyo this month for other clients. Us getting involved now meant that it would be less costly to fly her out to do our study. Did God have a hand in this for the financial aspect? It sure felt like it. My husband and I sat down and really discussed what it would mean to wait or go for it. We felt we were being led to do it now.
Then I started the fundraiser. Man, the outpouring of love! I didn’t really think anyone would really help! God has shown through all those that have helped, are helping, and continuing to help. It really is amazing how he has had his hand in it. It has opened door to new friendships, renewing friendships, and new ideas.
Where else have I seen God? A couple weeks ago, on a Tuesday, I found a perfect bed for our daughter on the local swap page for only 40$! I was so excited. I jumped at the opportunity and told the lady why I needed it. We had planned to get it that weekend. The next day she messaged me explaining they had a moving truck. I asked how much for delivery and she responded, “You said you are adopting? We will do it for free, I was adopted.” Wait? How random is it that I would buy a bed from a adoptee. When she arrived she explained she had two adopted siblings from Russia and that she was adopted from the states. I was jumping on the inside in excitement because I so badly wanted to hear her story. My oldest son had come in and interrupted our conversation, I told him, “Guess what! She was adopted.” His eyes lit up and he asked her, “You were adopted from an orphanage? Did your mom and dad die?” I tried to hold my embarrassment of the question in and I am certain I turned bright red! But she was awesome, and so sweet, “Yes, I was adopted from the orphanage when I was 14, and no, my mom and dad did not die, they were just to busy when they had me and couldn’t take care of me at the time.” That sparked so many healing questions later on between the two of us. I could see his mind working and grasping what she had said and him really trying to figure out adoption. He had the clear picture in his mind that if you had to be adopted, that meant your parents died. This woman indirectly helped my son understand. It was amazing to see that.
By this point, God has shown me he is in this. How could he not? Was it just coincidence? I really don’t think so. I started working on my prayer. I explained to God in my prayer, “yes, I see you. Thank you for showing me. But I really need to know WHERE to adopt from. The home study is in two weeks and I have no idea where! Help me! Please! But when you tell me, make sure I get the sign.” I was so afraid that I would miss it, overlook it, think everything I heard or saw would be “the sign”, I was hoping I would get the gut feeling towards a country or some huge sign or random person would tell me. Well, God once again showed me, and it was hard. I called every American number the Home study agency had given me. Every door shut. Because we are overseas we would have to adopt a newborn or a child over the age of eight. Neither of which we wanted. It was so hard to hear NO. I cried, threw myself a pity party, stomped my feet, and started praying again. The next night I was on the phone with more agencies. Midnight my time, morning theirs, and more no’s. I felt as if I was never going to find the country or a agency. I decided to take a break and return to cleaning and reorganizing, making room for my new little, who may never be in THIS home.
I received a email from my home study letting us know they were moving our beginning of February date to the end of February or beginning of March. A great feeling of relief came over us as we feel so unprepared still. Did God do this purposely? I had three extra weeks to finish the piles of paperwork, clean, and figure out where we were adopting from. I continued to pray and ask God to show us where. About two weeks ago, I was laying down for a cat nap while the boys were playing so nicely with playdoh. This “nice” playing last about 15 minutes and it turned into screaming and fighting. I woke up yelling at them to stop. And also yelling, I’m adopting from Bulgaria. Wait? What? Where did that come from? I wasn’t thinking about adoption, I was yelling at my boys for fighting. Could this of been God? No….no way….could it? I took the boys to swim lessons and started researching countries we had been looking at. Suddenly some of these countries were closed or just did not catch my interest anymore. Hmmmmm……Bulgaria? A country I had no interest in. A country, I for some reason had been mentally refusing now seemed to be the most interesting country ever. I messaged my husband and our friend and I told them what happened. My husband said, “that’s a crazy way to wake up, Bulgaria it is then”, I asked him to pray about it, what if I was just making this up in my head? My other friend said, “seriously Amy, you are going to question that? God just slapped you with an answer and now you are asking for a clearer response? You’re adopting from Bulgaria!”
Wow, yes, Bulgaria. It was God. It was him. It has only been two weeks since that has happened and doors are quickly opening. My faith has quickly become stronger. I am seeing God in ways I never had before. I’m hearing him and finding a peace I haven’t felt in so long. I’m looking forward to the rest of the adventure. I know she is out there, God has her picked out for us.
Bulgaria we are coming! We will bring our daughter home!